i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
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