fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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