he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
