do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
