btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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