When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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