Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
