I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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