I faked an abortion last night.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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