maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
