Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
