I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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