Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I have fence marks all over my body
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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