I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
