The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I wish life had little blips of pornography
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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