I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize