you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
