Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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