Just cropdusted the office
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
