Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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