Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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