Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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