the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
