ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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