Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
