it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
