you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i love accidental penises.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
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