Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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