He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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