My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
