piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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