I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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