I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
