:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
