I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
