Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
