This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize