I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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