I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
