so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
