moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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