i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
