i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
