i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
