i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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