note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
