drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize