I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
you win again, gameday.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
FUCK WHALES
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