out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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