i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
