he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I came so hard my ears popped.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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