Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
