It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
He is an equal opportunity slut.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
