All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
