Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
