my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
