if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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