the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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