my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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