I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
