Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
