Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
